I'm going to start with this fact: I applied for my weight loss surgery in October of 2016 and I was not too open about my application. I would like to think that I wasn't open about it because I honestly had not made a decision, and wanted this decision to be mine and mine alone. I told my family, but I did not tell my husband's extended family so when one of them came for a visit in the spring and I was well into preparations, it took her by surprise. After all, I had not mentioned anything over Christmas.
As the process continued, I was open with people I spoke to and saw every day. But there was an audience that was in the dark about this decision: my extended army of Facebook friends. Now, I personally know all of my Facebook friends, and I occasionally go through and delete people that I don't see myself getting back in touch with. I had a tentative surgery date of June 14, so I decided I would tell the greater Facebook community on April 14, two months to the day when I was to go under the knife.
The support I got was amazing and I wondered what took me so long to tell more people what I was going through.
Before becoming a bariatric patient myself, I always wondered why people would decide to make the decision to have weight loss surgery. As I developed my own reasons for the surgery, I gained a new respect for friends that had taken this path before I did. I never thought as surgery as an easy way out, I just thought it was extreme.
The other night I came across this article written about a woman who has had bariatric surgery and denies it when people ask her how she lost weight. The stigma that surrounds weight loss surgery patients is deep and complicated. Bianca mentions an article, published in the peer-reviewed medical journal Obesity Surgery. In the study, individuals are shown before and after pictures of individuals who had lost weight and rated them based on their opinions of the pictures (Vartaniam and Fardouly, 2013). Then, the individuals are told which ones had weight loss surgery. The opinions of the individuals in the study towards individuals who has the surgery dropped dramatically. Further more, the individuals who had weight loss surgery were seen as "significantly more lazy and sloppy, less competent and sociable, less attractive, and having less healthy eating habits" as compared to those who lost weight using more traditional methods having less harsh descriptions.
I had a hard time wrapping my head around this idea that people are judging me negatively based on this decision I had made. After all, I'm still watching what I eat and going to the gym. Only rarely does my stomach dictate how much can go in, I usually stop eating well before that pressure reminding me that my stomach is the size of an egg begins.
Ultimately, the overwhelming opinion is that everyone will lose weight if you eat less and move more. Most bariatric patients will tell you that is not the case. There are nutritional considerations to make, and types of exercise to consider. The solution is not a one-size-fits-all situation.
I have surprised many with the depth my journey took me before having my surgery even scheduled. The design of the Johns Hopkins program is to get you ready for surgery by starting to develop good habits beforehand. Like most stereotypes, if someone took the time to get to know someone going through it, many misunderstandings will go away. Which is a big reason why I started this blog. If you have the time to want to understand the process, I'm hoping this blog can help.
I'm going to end this with two stories of resistance I've met in the last year:
During my pre-op diet, I found great success. But, I knew I usually lose between 40-60lbs and then maintain it for about six months before gaining it back. Several people asked me why I would get the surgery when clearly I'm able to do it on my own, and I would explain to them that I've never been able to keep it off. One person went so far as to treat me as if I were in hysterics and told me "we are going to do this together, without surgery". The message I had to tell her was that I don't think her less for not wanting the surgery, but this is a decision I have made because the time is right and it's time for a change.
The second story is from December, right after I had applied and I hadn't told anybody outside of my immediate family. My husband's family is mostly in Texas and I had strongly considered not telling them and surprising them with our next visit. When we were at one of the houses on our circuit, my husband's uncle came up to him and commented (note that his verbal filter has been eroded by years of substance abuse) "not getting any smaller, why don't you get that gastric bypass?" My husband was so mad just knowing the process, not living it as he would within two months' time.
To overcome the overwhelming feeling of stigma, attending in-person support groups as well as online ones can help a lot. There are so many people involved in those groups, when I look at my newsfeed these days, I wonder how many people on my newsfeed have not had weight loss surgery.
Like all choices in life, we are judged. I don't judge people who don't get the surgery because insurance and time off can make that tough. I just hope that my decision to get the surgery warrants the same respect.
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