A common topic of discussion on my various Facebook support groups is when do you tell people you’re having the surgery and how do you deal with the Negative Nancies.
The best place to start is with my story…
I pretend to know a lot about insurance and medical stuff because I read a lot, I watch a lot of Grey’s Anatomy (and ER back in the day), and my mom has done insurance stuff for most of my life. I do honestly know more than most people.
So a few years ago, and I would like to think it was the passage of the Affordable Care Act, I noticed many friends on Facebook were putting up the similar posts:
“Hey everyone, I have decided to undergo weight loss surgery, it was a deeply personal decision and I’m excited about it. Please, no negative thoughts, just positive vibes”
And back in 2013 when these posts started, I couldn’t believe these people didn’t want the negative vibes. If you don’t want negativity, don’t put it on the internet! I was not supportive of weight loss surgery. I thought you could lose it on your own, and keep it off. I’ve only failed because I screwed up. Also, I felt like all weight loss surgery veterans had the same eye-popping look to them.
Flash forward to 2015, after my husband and I went to his first physical in several years. He had just lost about 50 pounds on a crash diet and was honestly feeling pretty good about himself. He got his BP taken and blood drawn, then the doctor comes in and the first thing out of his mouth was “you need weight loss surgery, I’m sending you to a surgeon”. We were disgusted. Could this doctor for one moment focus on the good?
In the summer of 2016, I was training for a long run (another one of my defenses, if I was THAT fat, how was I running?) and I ended up needing Physical Therapy for the whole summer. I ballooned up to my high weight, a familiar number where other fun symptoms reared their ugly heads, and came to my own decision to pursue surgery.
At this point, I told my parents, my husband, and my in-laws. I told myself I wasn’t deciding until I met with the surgeon. Suddenly we’re in January 2017, meeting with the surgeon, and I’m pretty much sold.
What I realized between 2013 and 2017, was that diets largely do not yield long term successes. Surgery is the only thing with a higher success rate, and you can read up on why that is the case. I slowly decided I wanted long term success and this was the only way to see that come to fruition.
Now I’m an extraordinarily confident person. I’m thick skinned to a fault, and I share only that which I’m ready to accept challenging opinions on. So, I’ll post I was getting weight loss surgery, but not who I voted for in the 2016 election. But I still didn’t say anything. My thing was I wanted a date, so that it felt real to me.
I decided to post my news 3 months before my originally scheduled date and the support I got at that first post and every single surgery related one since has since had a positive response. I waited so that I knew as much as I could and I guarded myself with rebuttals to any potential Negative Nancy.
But I didn’t stop there. I posted pictures to Instagram, I friended everyone I could on My Fitness Pal, and I checked into Doctor’s appointments. Any friends who thought I could wake up one day and get this were proven wrong. I would like to think that my openness has awakened my friends to the process so that they understand just how much goes into it. I even made a Google Sheet about my process with all of my appointments to share with anyone who asked (Note: I did this at first for my own organization and share it more for potential patients, not for the haters).
I had one Nancy in my life. We work in the same office, and she saw surgery as an unnecessary risk. I told her that being overweight was a risk. Pre-surgery, I had good luck losing weight, it was more than luck, I worked my butt off. One day, she says “I’m tired of this surgery talk, you’re losing weight fine, cancel the surgery and lets lose weight together” to which I responded, I always get down to a certain number, and I’m not even there yet. Then, I’ll plateau for a while, then gain it back slowly. Let’s even address the fact that she was taking Phentermine, so let’s talk about throwing rocks at glass houses.
Some of the stories I read are heartbreaking. A mom who won’t care for her grandchildren while her daughter goes to an appointment, someone who is afraid their partner will leave them post-op, coworkers set up to sabotage diet efforts, it’s saddening.
For these deeply personal situations, I don't even know what to say because I was blessed with a lot of support.
My best advice to those people is to get their knowledge base on, and be prepared for the haters before you tell them. Ultimately, this is your life and your decision, so you need to be comfortable whichever way you go. This surgery will only save your own life. There is no denying the success of weight loss surgery, when the instructions are followed carefully.
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